When I saw this video, I was surprised at the way American college students learn by themselves. They use the different network to contact each other and share the resources they have, like: google, skype and wikispaces. Here in Taiwan, few people will surf on the Internet to study by themselves, neither am I. Taiwanese college students are just talk to each other to learn the information which he or she has, so in my point of view, I think it is a good time to change our way to study. As the technology become more and more convenient, it possible for all of us to share the reading resources with foreigners throughout the world.
Change is necessary for Taiwanese college students, as far as I am concerned, it is a good change to all of us, we can not only lessen our time to get the information but we can also improve our ability to use the Internet. So, why not change at this time?
Last time I told you something about coherence, right? In this article, I can see good coherence between sentence 1 and 2. If “talk” in sentence 4 refers to “talk online”, I think sentence 3 and 4 also have a connection. Sentence 5 (“so in my point of view…”) is your opinion, so why not move it to the next paragraph since it is not very relevant to the above sentences.
回覆刪除In sentence 5, you pointed out that it is time to change our way of studying. If this is your main idea, then try to use some sentences to support it. For instance, you may outline some ways that you think people should change when they use the Internet to learn something. Your sentence 6 does not appear “powerful” enough to be a “change” in the way of studying. Moreover, in paragraph 2, “it” is vague! What does “it” refer to? You need to make it specific.
With regard to the grammatical errors, the major one is that you sometimes use a comma to separate two independent sentences. Take a look at the following sentences:
1.”Taiwanese college students are just talk to each other to learn the information which he or she has, so in my point of view, I think it is a good time to change our way to study.” should better be:
Taiwanese college students are just talk to each other to learn the information which he or she has. So in my point of view, I think it is a good time to change our way to study. (“so” should be capitalized to be the beginning of the next sentence.)
2.“Change is necessary for Taiwanese college students,as far as I am concerned, it is a good change to all of us, we can not only lessen our time to get the information but we can also improve our ability to use the Internet.” should better be:
Change is necessary for Taiwanese college students. As far as I am concerned, it is a good change to all of us. We can not only lessen our time to get the information but we can also improve our ability to use the Internet. (“as” and “we”should be capitalized.)
When I saw this video, I was surprised at the way American college students learn by themselves. They use the different network to contact each other and share the resources they have, like: google, skype and wikispaces. Their ways to study really impressive me so much.However, Here in Taiwan, few people will surf on the Internet to study by themselves, neither am I. Although blog, msn and Internet are occupied our lives, we still failed to use these tools to study, we use that only to chat with friends and for fun. And as one of the Taiwanese college students,I just talk online to each other to learn the information which he or she has, I never think of using the useful websites to help me learn.
回覆刪除So in my point of view, I think it is a good time to change our way to study, and it is also a good change to not only the students but also the whole generation. With the technology become more and more convenient, it possible for all of us to share the reading resources with our classmates, friends and even foreigners throughout the world. Change is necessary for Taiwanese college students. As far as I am concerned, it is a good change to all of us. We can not only lessen our time to get the information but we can also improve our ability to use the Internet. Furthrmore, we can also be more efficiently when we are studying to each other. Maybe I will try it to improve my study abilitise next time.
Respond to my keypal:
Thanks for teaching me the importance of coherence, but I still made some error , sorry about this. And I will be careful when I ues the comma. Thanks for your suggestion.
Dear Gabby,
回覆刪除It takes time to master writing. You have done quite well. Be patient and you will make it!